Saturday, October 25, 2008

This One's Painful: Guess Someone Couldn't Share the Spotlight

My heart goes out to Jennifer Hudson and her family. I hope the nephew will be found safe and alive. Cause this is just ridiculous! On a number of levels.

First of all, black community, we can't on one had complain that not enough of the ones who make it come back and then also terrorize them and murder them when they do. Now, I know the same thing probably goes on in the white community, except, they're celebrated for moving to Hollywood and staying. But, come on people. Please.

Second of all, black folks who make it out . . . stay out! This is what happens when you come back home. Those negros who were already jealous to begin with are really gonna let you have it. Luckily, I can come back home. I didn't grow up in a "rough area," and I have to hand it to my local black community - we handle our business (That's a shout out to Ms. Bradshaw and all the black bus drivers who were illegally fired while a white . . . I just blog about that later. Oh, and Mrs. Degree and Mrs. Accor and Mr. Hooker. Pastors Smith, Thompson, Littlejohn. And, of course, my big brother and little sister-in-law. And, and I better mention my momma cause I there's this car I want. And even the people who used to tease me in school now recognize the importance of spiritual and political engagement.).

But, I guess Hudson's tragedy is especially saddening because, I don't know, I identified with Effie White. I identify with a down home black sister who's just trying to make good. And I can't imagine a world without my momma and my brother. And just recently, some good friends have had their grandmother and greataunt pass. My little cousin's mother's funeral was just this past week. And, I guess, I'm still in a mournful mood.

I told one friend of mine that it was okay that even maybe two weeks after her grandmother's passing, that she still missed her and her heart still ached. It's part of the human experience. It took a while for me to adjust to my grandmother's passing. Now, I see her in my dreams . . . and she usually has a date. I don't get that. But, anyway.

I wouldn't know what to tell Jennifer. This is one of those times when, "Hold on to God's unchanging hand," won't do. My grandmother and my friend's grandmother died because they were sick. They didn't die because someone murdered them. Now, I do know that God's grace is sufficient - sufficient enough for her to be really pissed off at him if that helps her grieve. I also know that God can piece back together a broken heart. And if you need to be angry with God or scream or cry or yell, it's okay.

I'm not going to say, "It's going to be all right." The first person really close to me who died was my grandfather. I was thirteen. And I distinctly remember fighting the urge to punch someone in the face for telling me, "It's going to be all right." Excuse my language, but who the hell cares about what's going to be. If you wanna make it all right right now, how about you bring my grandpa back? How about that? If you can't do that, then you need to shut your dang pie-hole. "It's going to be all right." All right, hell. Oh yeah, the next person who told me that was gonna catch an unholy "rhetorical flourish."

But I will say, the sun will rise and it will set, and another day will pass, and another, and another, and in one of those days, somebody better get that nephew back to the family. Don't play no "ransom" shit. You've done enough. We get your point. You can't come from "da hood," do well, and expect to stay like nothing ever changed. No matter how homeopathic it is for you or how much you wanna help your people. Yeah. You're the ones who make the rest of us look bad because ignorant crackas judge all of us by your nigger-acting black ass. So, yeah, thanks.

Oh, wipe the drool of your face. I said I'm a Christian. I never claimed to be a saint.

But back to my condolenses to the Hudson family, you'll always miss your mom and brother. You'll always love them. Right now you still can't believe it, and that's okay. The pain is overwhelming and that's okay, too. Whatever you feel, it's okay. God's grace is sufficient, and it's okay.

You're listening to some songs I chose to go out to the family. Now, at black funerals in my area, we have a good time, so I added some hallelujah gospel songs as well Hudson's songs.

Oh, and by the way, Palin's lied about some dirt she's done about the whole Alaskan pipeline.

And UNC beat Boston College. The Hudsons aside, that does make me feel better.

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But Don't Jack My Genuis