Tuesday, October 21, 2008

These Are My Confessions

Updated - I changed "white atheist" to "Republican Christian" and "black Muslim" to "Democrat Muslim."
. . . with apologies, of course, to Usher Raymond.

There are a few. Like, I should actually be in bed now if not asleep. I have a head cold on top of the usual CFIDS, and I have to get up in the morning to be sure to make it to Wednesday morning Bible study, in part because I love Bible study at my church, but mostly because I gave my word to my pastor. And I want him to know my word is bond.

Here's another one. There's a guy a like who I might run off because I'm afraid I'll run him off because I haven't been in an adult relationship ever. If you actually saw me, you'd think that were impossible. But if you actually knew me, you'd see how that could happen. And my mom and brother think it's funny that he wants to own a . . . spa. That doesn't sound as bad as the word originally used that my family thinks is funny. And I'm not even sure how he feels about me yet, or for that matter, how I really feel about him. (Though, I do want to change my relationship status on my networking sites.)

But here's my real confession. I'm a Christian. Yes, yes. With my support for contraception and even "abortion on demand" (I'm not telling anyone to have a kid I have no intentions of helping her raise.); and my support of gay rights and even same-sex marriage - or something legally equal to it; and my belief in evolution, or at least some form, I. am. a. Christian.

Born and raised in a Baptist church. My grandfather baptized me. Oh, don't worry God-haters, I've gone to college. I've had my doubts. I have none presently, but on occasion I do, and something unexplainable just won't let me go.

I've heard all my life how important it is to vote for someone who's Christian who shares my Christian values. Now, being that I'm black, that has usually meant concern for racial and economic justice, truth and honest in politics, so forth and so on, but not necessarily, if at all, anti-abortion and gay rights. Black folks have enough on our minds before we start actually considering voting on personal issues like that. You lucky white person you.

You know how the best response to accusations that Obama is a Muslim is to say, "First of all, he's not. Second of all, so what if he were?" Well, honestly, I do have a mild problem if he were. That's my confession. I'd have a much easier time voting for a Republican Christian than a Democrat Muslim.

That's not to say I wouldn't vote for that black Muslim or any Muslim. And, I guess, here's my basic point, there are some things some of us Americans are dealing with that are so deep and unconscious that they don't come up without prodding. Racism, for example. Granted, doesn't take much prodding, but you get my point.

Here's the thing. Whatever you were taught as a child, that's over. You can't keep blaming your parents or even society for your willful ignorance and prejudice. Just like I can't blame my upbringing for the anxiety I feel voting for a random Muslim or in this fledgling relationship.

I'm an adult. I'm my own person. I make my own choices and decisions, good or bad, which accounts for why I'm still up long after I should actually be in bed . . . if not asleep. And if there's something inside of you that won't let you vote for a colored/negro/black/African-American, you have to make a decision to vote based on principles, policy, etc and not race. And. You can do it. You mush. Otherwise, and here's where I can release some pent-up cynicism, you're a racist.

So, that's my little piece of sincerity today.

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But Don't Jack My Genuis