You Need to Vote if Only to Protect Your Right to Do So

There's no evidence of voter fraud. Meanwhile, evidence of voter suppression is overwhelming. And all I can think is thank God my life is in His hands are not theirs.


In Hot Political Climate, Election Experts Want 'Voter Fraud' Watchdogs To Be Clear On Rules


Ryan J. Reilly
September 20, 2010, 9:56AM

As Tea Party groups take up the torch of voter fraud ahead of the midterm elections, a new poll shows that campaigns in prior elections to exaggerate the voter fraud issue have had an effect on public opinion. Meanwhile, advocates for low-income and minority voters are voicing concerns that the individuals planning to show up at polling stations to keep an eye out for those they think are illegitimate voters might be unclear on election law.

Set at Liberty Those Who Are Oppressed

“ The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me,
       Because He has anointed Me
      To preach the gospel to the poor;
      He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
      To proclaim liberty to the captives
      And recovery of sight to the blind,
      To set at liberty those who are oppressed;
       To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD.”
  Then He closed the book, and gave it back to the attendant and sat down. And the eyes of all who were in the synagogue were fixed on Him. (Luke 4:18-20, New King James Version)

There's been a lot of smack talk about Black Liberation Theology. And I thought I'd help set the record straight. Susan Brooks Thistlethwaite shares this pithy little number over at WashPo:

There was a lavish buffet, and a senior professor in theology, carrying a plate piled high with food from the buffet, came over to where Gutierrez and I were chatting, and he loomed over Gutierrez. "So," this senior professor intoned, "Professor Gutierrez, explain liberation theology to me." Gutierrez looked at him. "It's a matter of the stomach," Gutierrez replied. "The stomach?" the large and portly senior professor said, astonished. "Yes," said Gutierrez, looking at the professor's loaded plate. "You do theology differently when your stomach is full than when it is empty."

What?! Yes! Too true, too true!

God Has Heard Your Prayers!

And in record time, no less, as it was just last week that I requested your prayers. However sarcastic I may have been.

A group of conservatives have decided that the Bible as currently translated has a liberal bias. That includes the King James Version. Here's where they're collaborating to retranslate the Bible with it's true conservativism. Cause Jesus would've been a Republican. And my mother is Phyllis Schlafly.

You can google "conservative Bible project" to read a lot of opinions. They range from "liberal" mocking to religious admonishing. And let's not kid ourselves. If you're a conservative being chastised by beliefnet.com, you may have taken things a little too far.

Now, I'm going to address a few problems I have with the project right now. Then, I need to eat. But mostly, since one of their gripes is the the Bible as it's currently translated "improperly encourages the "social justice" movement among Christians," I'm gonna take some time later to show where the Bible encourages "social justice" regardless of the political bent of the translators/ions.

But as of right now, a few things. First, of course, is the most obvious, and that's the error of politicizing the Bible. And let me be clear. Am I a registered Democrat? Yes. Do I believe there is Biblical support for my political position? Yes, and by the way, I can use the original texts of both Testaments to prove my point.

If I'm wrong here, please correct me; but I never have and never will declare that Jesus would be a Democrat.

Again, I want to make sure I'm perfectly understood. Given the option of the two major political parties, and the civic duty to vote, do I think Jesus would vote Democrat? Yes, I actually do. That's my personal opinion.

So what am I trying to say, right? It's more than just not politicizing the Bible. It's my view that God is beyond partisanship. Just like I believe God is beyond gender. I try not to refer to God as "he" as though God is masculine, with a penis and testicals and facial hair. And unless I'm trying to make the point that we could pray, "Our Mother, who aren't in heaven," I shy away from "God/ess." It's not just because typing out "God/ess" is more cumbersome, but that I believe that God is beyond gender so much so that even to suggest God is both male and female would be incorrect. In my personal notes, yeah, I refer to God as "he"; again, it's easier to write than God; I've used that language all my life; and, I know what I really mean. But I don't believe God has a scrotum anymore than I believe God has a vagina. Listen, God is Spirit. God is Immaterial. God didn't come from dust. So let's not bog God down with "dust" labeling.

You get my point? If I were speaking to a group, I might even refer to God as "He" and in other masculine-form nouns to be able to speak about God in a way that wouldn't be distractive. But understand that part of the reason God is referred to as "He" in the Bible is that the word's available to descibe an All-Mighty Being were masculine! Just like "wisdom" in Proverbs is talked about like a woman; but it's the same concept John referres to in his Gospel where he says: "In the beginning was the Word."

So, are we all on the same page here? Yeah, it's my personal opinion that Jesus would be a liberal or progressive. I doubt that Jesus would vote for Democrats if there were a more liberal 3rd party. But my first instinct is that God is far above and beyond 21st century American partisanship.

Especially in light of the fact that even European conservatives support single-payer health systems!

Now. I don't have a problem with someone getting the original Greek and Hebrew and Aramaic so that they can better understand Scripture. In light of the fact that my health prevents me from taking a class in Greek or Hebrew, and that the different lettering makes my head buzz, I watch a lot of Pastor Melissa Scott. I dig her cause she uses these classroom size dry-erase boards to write out the original language, then goes through translating it in her sermons. Oh, it's just great! The lettering still makes my head buzz, but it's not as bad with the English written out nearby. And sorry folks, a complete interlinear Bible is out of my budget right now . . .

Though, if you wanna send a donation, let me know. I'll see if I can set that up! LOL!

So, no. I don't have a problem with the desire to go and dig out the true meaning of the Scriptures. But seeking to translate, or even retranslate (Not everyone wants to go so far as to start from scratch. Some are satisfied with editting the King James Version.), the Bible for the purposes of partisanship is unseemly and even wicked.

That's my first point.

Now, I like others think their goal of "Express[ing] Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning" is asinine, as well as wicked and false. But, I also think they're ignorant as to the meaning of "social justice." Or, at least what activisst mean when we use the term.

So, hopefully in my next post, I'll flesh that out as well as demonstrate God's call for social justice through the entire Bible, any version.

Oh! Let me just say here before I forget and not say at all that social justice, doing what's right and just throughout society, (Did I just flesh it out? I sure hope so.) shouldn't be so partisan an issue that someone would claim that Christians either shouldn't be involved in a movement for social justice or are motivated by false Bible translations that supports  it. (What? Huh?) In fact, it shouldn't be a partisan issue at all.

But anyway, God heard your prayers. :eye roll:

Pray for Me!

Oh, my Lord! I am so upset right now.

Originally, I intended to mock Liberty Counsel's "Adopt a Liberal" project. But now, I'm a little pissed. To answer David Waters's questions, prayer initiatives like these are condescending. I would agree that Jim Wallis was also being condescending about prayer for Glenn Beck except that Beck has asked for prayer and clearly needs it. To Waters's second question, prayer should not be politicized.

Especially if you're the one spouting off about the bi-racial president being racist towards whites and also about armed uprisings.

But I digress. Here's the thing. I cannot for the life of me figure how people who claim to love "freedom," who're currently decrying the intrusion of government between patients and their doctors, can deny gays and lesbians the freedom to marry and feel free to intrude between a woman and her doctor.

But mostly, I'm pissed about the misappropriation of my own faith. It makes me want to scream!!

All those people hanging all over Jesus? Does anyone really think that not one of the "sinners and publicans" dining with Jesus was gay. Not one? And for all that's written in the Bible, do we really think it's just an oddity that no where does the Bible explicitly prohibit purposely ending a pregnancy pre-term?

And to conservative Christians, do you really suggest gays and lesbians, or women who've had abortions, are beyond God's reach? If you believe abortion is a sin, is it somehow not among the multitude that love covers?

Now, am I saying homosexuality is okay with God? That God smiles at abortions? No, I'm not saying that. What I am saying is that it's not up to me what other people do. All I can do is show them the love of Christ. Who, by the way, passed up the chance to stone a woman caught in the act of adultery. Who ministered to Samaritans and even gave a good Samaritan the starring role in a parable?

And speaking of parables . . . what about the one where the father runs out to meet and hug his long-lost son? Doesn't the whole story all start with the father honoring his son's request for his share of the inheritance?

And please, please!! Someone help me understand how or why God would hold us responsible for gay marriage and abortions, but not for the nearly 45,000 people who die each year because they have no health insurance?

Oh, and by the way, I'd have an easier time taking your anti-abortion stance seriously if you didn't link it to the need for more low-wage workers.

So by all means, please keep praying! Cause I've found prayer does more to change the one praying than the people they're praying for. And I trust you'll find the same.

Did I just politicize prayer? No. This isn't about Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal. This is about not taking the Lord's name in vain and/or blaspheming against the Holy Spirit.

But if you disagree and think that I am politicizing prayer, then . . . don't pray.

You're Still Here!

Oh, that's great!

A lot of things have been happening in my personal life. All good . . . and perfect, thankya Jesus! Hallelujah! For real.

I've finally been given a firm diagnosis - a mild narcolepsy - which explains my fatigue, but not the pain. Which, is okay since both are being treated. The new medication for fatigue hasn't yet made me feel "normal"; just not so week-old road-kill sick. And that's absolutely fabulous! Yeah, I still spend much of my day on the couch or online; but, like I said, I feel better. And that feels great.

Now, as for my continued inconsistency. First off, like I said, I still don't feel normal. And secondly, my brain has been some vacation of sorts for at least a couple of weeks now. I don't know why. It's not that I feel dumb; and trust, I do know that feeling. No, I'm just mentally tired. I mean, when I say a lot has been going on in my personal life, I do mean a lot. It's taking quite a bit of mental energy to keep things straight. So I don't have the usual zest for thinking out examples or implications or anything of the such of racism or sexism or anything in our current events.

In fact, I have a post on draft right now that I started last week, and just couldn't get my head to finish. Something about how the little racist "Obama chia pets" and "nappy-headed hos" comments are all part of a society that enables what amounts to essentially robbing the black community: Well's Fargo targeting the black community for sub-prime loans. I was gonna explain how all the seemingly harmless statements mount up to damage the black community. The whole circle made sense in my head, I just couldn't quite find the words. But since I'm on a bit of a roll, let me just say this - people who see nothing racist about the recent "tea parties" nurture an environment where people see nothing wrong with gouging the black community of very hard earned moneys. And to make a point that hard-working white Americans need to hear: the people who saw nothing wrong with loan officers lying both to the client and to the underwriter so the cost of the loan will be higher leading to higher profits for the company and higher bonuses for the loan officer also see nothing wrong with the exorbitant bonuses received by the executives who brought down the global economy. Mark my words chumpy, which shit gets to flying, everybody gets hit. Instead of listening to the idiots who propagate the lie the affirmative action is "reverse" racism, you should be listening to those of us tell you that "injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

Well. Guess the good ole noggin' is doing better than I thought!

Also, I've just touched base with my cousin Lauren. If you don't remember, I have a cousin and cousin-in-law who're both based in Afghanistan right now. They're army medics, kinda like on MASH I would imagine. Lauren describes what she does as kinda working in an emergency room with injured people coming in all day. Her working hours were increased, so she works 12-hours shifts now. She has a furlough next month. I can't wait! It's not even about seeing her. It's just about knowing she's home safe and sound.

Oh! What brought about this sudden post anyway? This op-ed piece in the New York Times by Frank Rich. Pretty cogent stuff. Gets straight to the point. Gotta read. Here's a quote:

Then he brought up another recent gunman: "If you're one who believes that abortion is murder, at what point do you go out and kill someone who's performing abortions?" An answer, he said, was provided by Dr. George Tiller's killer. He went on: "If you are one who believes these sorts of things about the president of the United States ..." He left the rest of that chilling sentence unsaid.

Rich also mentioned something I hadn't really thought about, but which is true:

We don't know whether the tiny subset of domestic terrorists in this crowd is egged on by political or media demagogues - though we do tend to assume that foreign jihadists respond like Pavlov's dogs to the words of their most fanatical leaders and polemicists.

I'm not quite sure why it never crossed my mind, but at any rate. If you're interested in a discussion on whether or not hate speech should be regulated, here's a good start. I already have comments there, but I'm about to add Rich's thought to the convo.

Anyway, I hope you're still here when I get back. Don't know when I'll be posting again. Just can't shake the dead-brain feeling.

Update: Three Interesting, if Unrelated, Items (Previously Just Two)

Update: Three Interesting, if Unrelated Items

I'm not going to write about this. This particular post, I feel, is full. But, I do strongly encourage you read this post on racismreview.com honoring the abolitionist John Brown's birthday.
________________________________

My comments will come in italics:

Sex-starved Kenyan Sues over Boycott

I won't lie. As much as anything else, this is hilarious! But, above that, this indicates the power women have in regards to sex when we work as a group. Now. I know "Momma got needs," and so the fact that the boycott was only a week kinda worked in women's favor. It it was a year-long boycott or an indefinite boycott, maybe enough women would've fallen off the band wagon to make the other women's celibacy kind of pointless. I don't know. But women do have power in regards to sex when we work as a group. This applies to the US to the extent that, and here's something maybe politically incorrect, not all females having pre-marital and even marital sex really want to. They just want to be in a relationship. Undoubtedly this affects teenagers and maybe women in their early twenties more than it could maybe apply to other women. That said, how many of you unmarried ladies are having sex when you really don't want to, even if you do want to have sex? I guess I'm saying that more women want to wait to have sex, even if they don't necessarily want to wait till marriage. And if more women stuck to their guns, I think some of the pressure to have sex, especially on young girls, would lift. I could be wrong. I'm stating this completely from opinion with not a lot of scientific research.

I would also like to point out that this indicates the power women have when we work together, period, for anything. Sex may be the most apparent thing that occurs to women in regard to shared power, but here in the US, we have substantial political clout. Remember, women make up the majority of voters. Whatever we want, if we worked together, we could get. More days for family leave. Affirmative action. Equal pay. More vacation days. The US works more days out of the year than any other industrialized nation. The English and French don't understand how we maintain emotional and mental health with only 2 weeks of paid vacation. I don't think we do. And we certainly don't maintain any kind of political health. People are so busy and tired from one day to the next, they don't really pay attention to what's going on in their local, state, and federal governments. They don't really pay attention to policy debates. Sound bites stand in for substantative arguments.

Take healthcare, for example. The conservatives don't want public healthcare just for its own sake. Not that it's bad. Not about keeping government small. They just don't want public healthcare taking money from the large and power insurance companies. Have you heard these people? They'll go for healthcare reform so long as there's not the option to buy into government provide healthcare competing with the various private options. Two problems with this: 1) whatever happened to the concept of free market competition? 2) I thought anything provided by the government was substantially inferior to anything provided by the private sector. Why the worry about government insurance competing with private insurance? But what the publicans will say is that they don't want state beauracracy making decisions that doctors and patients should be making. If more voters would think about it, that argument is empty. First off, no one's suggesting government beauracracy make decisions that doctors should be making. Secondly, it's not like private insurance cos aren't denying claims and costing people their lives all the time. That's part of what's keep the cost of private insurance so high! Paying to have enough people to deny claims.

And speaking of healthcare and women, if enough women worked together to get single-payer healthcare, we could have it. I am woman, here me roar!

Story Highlights

• Kenyan sues activists, claims recent sex ban affected his marriage
• Women were urged to withhold sex to force political reform
• Activists not worried about lawsuit, claim sex boycott worked

NAIROBI, Kenya (CNN) -- A Kenyan man has sued activists who called on women to boycott sex to protest the growing divide in the nation's coalition government.

James Kimondo said the seven-day sex ban, which ended this week, resulted in stress, mental anguish, backaches and lack of sleep, his lawyer told the state-run Kenya Broadcasting Corp.

The lawsuit filed Friday claims lack of conjugal rights affected Kimondo's marriage and seeks undisclosed damages from the G-10, an umbrella group for women's activists, KBC said.

The women's caucus caused a national debate when it urged women to withhold sex to protest increasingly frosty relations between President Mwai Kibaki and Prime Minister Raila Odinga.

Citizens of the east African nation are frustrated by a shaky coalition government, which was formed after post-election violence killed more than 1,000 people in 2008. The wrangling between Kibaki and Odinga has sparked fears of more violence.

Gender activists say they are not worried about the lawsuit.

"I have not been served with the papers, but I was told they are coming and I am eagerly waiting," said Ann Njogu, executive, director of Centers for Rights Education and Awareness. "It will be interesting to see the face of a man who is not willing to abstain for the sake of his country."

Despite the lawsuit, Njogu said, the boycott was successful.

"The principal leaders met as a result of the boycott, and I understand that they are setting up reforms to look into the country's internal security," she said.

Plans are under way for women activists to meet with Kibaki and Odinga, according to Njogu.

CNN's Faith Karimi contributed to this report.

All About Kenya
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God Kept Him from Going Broke

CNN's Betty Nguyen sits down with Rev. Michael Beckwith about turning to God during these rough financial times.

To answer your question, you probably recognize this guy from being on Oprah.

Now, I make no secrets about my faith. And so I share this with you for two good reasons. One is that I truly believe God will speak to us if we'll only listen. And by listen, I mean sit down sometimes and listen they way you would listen to your significant other, or to your child, or to birds. I hardly think the problem is that God isn't speaking. I think the problem is that we aren't listening. And no. I'm not talking about "hearing voices," though some do. But I don't mean "hearing God," the way people make jokes that it's okay to talk to God, but not okay if God talks to you. No. I'm not talking about scizophrenic hallucinations. I'm talking about listening to God, hearing God speak in those quiet moments that we have to ourselves. Though, working 40 hours a week, 50 weeks a year, I guess I can understand how most people don't have time for a quiet moment to hear God speak to them. But watch what can happen when you do listen:



The other reason I posted this video is to share the thought of investing your values and beliefs. Invest in green companies. Companies with unions. Companies that do right by others. That's the only way, or at least one of very few ways, we'll get Big Business to pay attention to the needs of people. And, it's a demonstration of Christianity in action. Affecting the world by the way we invest is something Christians ought to do. Now, if you ask me, this will only work if you're trying to "do unto others as you'd have them do unto you." God will only bless the efforts that truly represent his call for justice and righteousness. I think the failure of abstinence-only education should serve as an indication that God won't bless efforts to force our moral standards on others. But, "forcing" people to serve and help others I believe is okay.

Happy Easter, Everyone!! Jesus Arose a Long Time Ago! Hallelujah!

Easter has always been a fun day for me. Growing up, it meant a new dress and having to remember a speech for the "recitation" part of Easter service. We'd get up early for Easter sunrise service, have breakfast at church, come home and try to catch a nap before attending an abbreviated regular church service.

As I grew up, I aged out of having to remember a speech to having to remember lines for a sort of play.

Easter is also one of the reasons I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. Not that he had died for my sins - I had sinned just like everybody's sinned (Romans 3:23). I mean, I understood that was why he died and arose with all power in his hands - death is the consequence of sin, but Jesus's death and resurrection meant I would have to die and go to hell, but could live with God in heaven forever (Romans 6:23)! I really appreciated that God loved me so much that he'd die for me (Romans 5:8)!

But, honestly, I was more impressed that he could come back to life all by himself, no Papa Smurf or shots or anything! That, in my very young opinion, was just amazing! Why wouldn't I serve a God who loved me that much and could come back to life all by himself?!

Today is just a great day for Christians around the world. And, well, today could be a great day for you, too, if you were to believe in your heart that Christ has risen from the dead (Romans 10:9-10).

No Greater Love - GMWA National Mass Choir

Merry Christmas? Um . . . Yeah! Merry Christmas, Indeed!

Today is Christmas. No, not the day Christ was born. It's the day we celebrate his birth because once upon a time, the Catholic Church had to do something to compete with the pagan winter solstice celebrations, and thus Christ-Mass.

Not that I'm hating. Not at all. I love the Lord. I celebrate his birth everytime I consider my life with him. Whew! Thank ya, Jesus!

But, this Christmas is a little odd. My cousin Lauren leaves two days afterwards to join her squadron or whatever before heading to Afghanistan. Meanwhile, the man that got us in this mess is living it up at Camp David with his family, including a son-in-law and definitely some nephews who are militarily fit. Uhg! The thought sickens me.

And, I have to add that one of my mom's cousins made me promise to call her today. Not to say, "Merry Christmas," but because her daughter, a chiropractor, adjusted my back yesterday and I couldn't give a glowing, "Oh, my! I feel soooo much better!" Not that I didn't feel the difference. More spacing in my spine. Nice. But I already had a couple of tender spots and she pulled my neck further than what I was ready for, so my back hurts a little and my neck is sore. Don't get me wrong. My back was hurting when I left. And pain in my neck comes and goes. What's more is I think everyone should dump their doctor and get their back adjusted. Seriously. Why take pills for the rest of your life when you could get your back adjusted with all the benefits of having your nervous system in order and none of the side effects of recent treatments that include, but are not limited to, death. My mom's cousin, who shall remain nameless, has even stopped taking her blood pressure medicine. Her doctor doesn't know it, though, and I don't feel like coming up with another fake name.

On the one hand, this Christmas should be a nice relaxing day. Movies. NBA basketball. Mozerella cheese sticks. But it's also a day closer to Lauren leaving and me having to face the fact that I will have a close blood relative in a war zone. Before, Afghanistan was something I could shake my head at and wish the troops could hurry home for their families. There've been at least Christmas I wished Jamie could hurry home for Lauren and the kids. But now . . . :sigh:

It's hard to get thrilled about Christmas when it draws me closer to having to say good-bye to my cousin. And maybe for good. I mean. Like I said, we aren't that close. But we did grow up singing in the church choir together. Me, Lauren, and her sister whom I'll call Willona, ran the church choir. For a while, we even formed our own little singing group. We came in second singing acuppella in a talent contest that we heard of last minute and had only a day to prepare for. Not too bad. Come to think of it, Lauren will probably want to sing at her going-away party. For once, I'll sing without too much prodding. Before, I'd practically make her beg. (Sorry. But singing aggravates my chostochondritis.) If she asks, and there's not guarantee she will, but if she does, I'll sing. I mean, be honest. Obama is planning on escalating the war in Afghanistan. My cousin could die.

She better not. If Bush, who started this mess without finishing it, thought Cindy Sheehan was a walking scandal, he has not met my aunts. I've considered doing a documentary of my mother and her sisters (though, it's her brother's daughter who's leaving) on a road trip. But I always decide against it. Even Lauren agrees I don't wanna besmirch the family name.

But, Christmas. I hate Lauren and Jamie have to leave. I hate even more my brother, who already made plans with his in-laws before my uncle decided to throw the post-Christmas get-together, may not be here to say his good-byes. -And I should add hellos. My cousin's leaving her kids here with her parents. I love seeing Lauren's kids. Of all my cousin's children on this side of the family, hers are the best behaved . . . until they've been here long enough for their other cousins to show them how to act a fool and the adults in the family to spoil them. Too bad for them, one of their biggest fools has a new grandbaby to act a fool over. I always told Lauren to have her children down here to take advantage of the idiocy before it ran out.-

But, I'm not without hope. After all, today is the day we celebrate God's coming down to reclaim humanity for himself. He'll get Lauren and Jamie to Afghanistan and back without a scratch to show for it! They're safe in his hands.

And so am I.

And if you've accepted Christ, so are you. If you haven't, look. Make this Christmas real. Accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. That's the real reason to get excited about today. That's the only reason to be excited about any day! It's why I'm excited. Sometime more likely in the spring about 2000 some odd years ago, God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whoever believed wouldn't die, but have life forever.

And I'm so glad I get to be with Jesus, now too! not just when I die; I'm so glad God was willing to become a little baby, I hardly know what to do with myself! If you want to accept Christ, but don't quite know how, just get at me. I can explain it to you just like that! Or check out the link under "Serious Answers to Serious Questions about Religion."

So celebrate today by placing your hope and faith in Christ.

Merry Christmas!

This Christmas - The Temptations

Okay, maybe not what you were expecting. Here's something more traditional.

A Sunday Kind of Love

I hadn't heard that song until it came out on a commercial about jeans. But then, I listened to it online and fell in love with it. It expresses what many women, and even men, dare I say, feel. That includes me.

Of course, in today's world, many people wonder if that's still possible. Young adults are coming through some "hook up" phase and apparently never building the social skills that undergird a successful relationship. I haven't built those skills, either. Not because I was involved in "hooking up," but because I resisted "hooking up." Only recently have I even realized that other people see as attractive as I see myself. And, coincidentally, it's only recently that I've really turned any substantial attention to the possibility of being in a relationship. Not "hooking up," but an honest relationship.

I'm old enough now to really consider marriage. The way I see it, sex can wait for marriage. I'm a Christian and make no bones about the fact that true love waits.

What's more is I know what I want in a spouse. I have a pretty good idea of what I need in a spouse. Getting to know people, I feel, is great. But here's my point, I'm personally not interested in purposeless relationships. I'm interested in what's been called "courtship." We spend time getting to know each other to know if God has plans for us to be marriage. We don't just "date" to learn how we feel about each other. You can have any number of very close relationships without any leading to marriage. And . . . well, we'll save my thoughts about marriage for another post. Suffice it to say here that I feel that both spouses in a marriage should be equally fulfilled.

My point now is that I'm not sure I have either the patience or health for some of the little "games" you're supposed to play. For example, the "chase." Let me put it simply - I do not have enough energy to run. But as far as I'm concerned, that's okay. I'm high maintenance. Just because I'm upfront about how I feel and may pre-empt the "chase," doesn't mean there still isn't some work to be done.

I mean, in my little part of the world, I roll with the big wigs. Can you handle that? Or will you shrink in the spot light? And I don't plan to be limited to my little part of the world forever. My intentions are to obtain an MDiv, MBA with a concentration in nonprofit management or community organization, and eventually a PhD in history. Can you handle that? Or will you one day complain about my use of multi-syllabic words? And I don't have time or energy to worry about "meeting your needs" all the time. So what's your relationship with the Lord? I want your faithfulness to be based on your commitment to please God, not whether or not I've pleased you in the last week or so. Can you handle that? Cause you can best be believing, once will be forgiven but twice and I'll be leaving.

I plan to change the world. You? Or are you satisfied with the world as is? Maybe you're not particularly satisfied, but you're willing to leave the heavy lifting to starry-eyed idealists and radicalists like me?

And, oh! You know what really impressed me so about one guy that I spilled the beans about liking him before he said a word about liking me? He rejected the notion of assimilation. So, I'm going to need you to reject assimilation, too.

Because I also believe marriage should be a joint venture to some degree. I mean, it does depend on how much and if the two plan on impacting the world. But, there's a quote by Correta Scott King that I can't quite remember, but has something to do with being a partner with Martin in what she knew would be his future. Now, I disagree with her to some extent on whether or not it's permissible for black people to request segregation. I know I've had some strong feelings about having my fill of white people. In fact, I'm actually on tape, if it was never erased, stating my feelings that after 8 hours of mainstream culture and being the only black person in the class, or the only one of a very few, the last thing I wanted was to have to be around more white people. A bi-racial friend of mine, well, up until this point, told me about the reaction to my comments; she laughed and said I had given all the wrong answers. But I told my mentor professor about it, and she agreed with me. The feeling is that though attending a majority white college, I wasn't there to enrich the experience of the white students. I wasn't my duty to make sure the white students had a "multicultural" experience, but the duty of white students to avail themselves of the multicultural events held on campus.

I mean, these spoiled brats complained about feeling "unwanted" after spending 5 minutes in the Black Cultural Center. Big deal! I have to be around you all the time.

But I digress. Marriage. It's kinda like with my brother. There was never any doubt he was going to be a minister and perhaps even the executive pastor of a church one day. His wife would have to be a "minister's wife." That's what knocked one of his exes out of the game. Although she was willing to do whatever it took to be a good wife to Big Head, or at least that's what she told me when I asked her, she wouldn't make a good minister's wife if her life depended on it. Not even in an Episcopalian church, and we're southern Black baptists. The girl who's now my sister-in-law grew up with a pastor for a father.

Don't get me wrong. They're not together just because of that. There is . . . let's just say I couldn't stand being around them the first few months before and after the wedding. Too much . . . affection.

So, basically, there's where I'm at in the scheme of things as it concerns relationships. Now, why am I writing about this? :sigh: Well. I honestly spent high school and college in the social wilderness. I really wasn't open to the potential of a relationship. I also had to face the fact that even should I be interested in someone, at some point, my fear of emotional intimacy would eventually ruin the relationship anyway.

Now, I'm open to relationship, but can be as excited about it as a kid on Christmas. The whole thing would be new ground to some extent for me. I don't want to leave the impression that I've never had a boyfriend. Just that those relationships only lasted as long as they were superficial and interesting. So, you can see how I subconsciously doomed relationships from the beginning. And now, with my health, I can hardly had my giddiness at the prospects of a new adventure and someone to hang out with on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. But, I going to want to know upfront exactly what I'm getting myself into. If you only have time to talk two days a week, tell me upfront. Don't let days go by without communication then act like I'm the idiot for having expected a message, an email, something! And if you're not ready for a purposeful relationship, say that upfront, too. Don't try to hide behind needing to be friends. And if you're not interested, say that! I'm a big girl and I got plenty of friends. Don't try to run some, "we need to be friends first," game on me to avoid a more serious relationship. It's not as though I haven't used that line myself. It's also not as though I don't know if a man is really interested in a woman, he will make time to talk. Even if it's just long enough to say, "Hello. Can't talk long. Just wanted to say, 'Hi.'"

Because me? I want a Sunday kind of love.

Me Getting Back in the Game

I came across this while I was online.



My health took a downturn this pass month. Hopefully, this is the beginning of an upswing. It's not as though I haven't had any thoughts. I have many. Like . . . why do commentators keep questioning Obama's decisions? Didn't he win without taking their advice? And I don't know about anyone else, but I knew "change" was in the ideas and manner of governance, not necessarily the faces. Anyone can change faces and bring in people with the same old ideas. That's cosmetic. Real change occurs with leadership and ideas - ideas like the ones lined out in this video and ideas like making these vlogs.

Mostly, though, this pass month, I've been wondering about the world and my place in it. How to go about making the changes I think are necessary in the way I think is best. How to join the elite black intelligentsia that still pushes and strives for justice and equality for all.

Of course, there was Thanksgiving. I enjoyed the football games. I enjoyed the food and the family. My RN cousin had worked the night shift the previous night and warned us to call 911 if anything happened to anyone cause, as she put it, "I'm off the clock."

But it wasn't lost upon me that America was acquired by means of mass genocide and that my presence here in America represents other crimes against humanity.

Now, I'm caught between a couple of life decisions. Whether to follow the advice of my pastor, which wasn't really "advice"; or, to do what I think is right and best for me. Not that I would personally have any problem not taking his advice, I just gotta consider the impact it might have later. You know? How the people I seek to help might take such move. And then there's opportunities at another church, which may allow me the flexibility I seek and the opportunity to serve that I desire so much.

Oh, and let me not even start on my trouble with men. I could've sworn this guy liked me. Even after I explained some of my circumstances and some other things, he was still down. Then, almost 10 days past without a word from him! Was I really wrong for saying that was rude? I mean, really?

The Mumbia attacks strike me as almost inevitable and certainly foreseeable. The only question is will the West continue the cultural and economic hegemony that creates the circumstances that nurture such hate. Not that murder is ever justifiable. But I get the point they were trying to make; and, sometimes, that's the only way to get the attention of the powers that be. The problem that be often would rather continue to be powerful rather than humble.

I'm still around. Thinking and praying for guidance. And those of you who know the words of prayer, pray for me (A little shout out to the southern Black Church.)

My Evolution II

Well . . . since I spent yesterday describing my evolution, I suppose I need to explain how I got through the really tough times. I mean, the nights when I couldn't sleep but knew I need to avoid the kitchen because there were knives there, I had to really call on Jesus.

That's the truth. That's why I just can't for the life of me imagine renouncing or converting from my Christian faith.

Now, let me say I did avail myself of counseling/therapy. If you feel you need to talk, but don't have think you can afford it, you probably can. Do some calling around and there is probably a mental health facility in your county that provides services that, depending on your situation, can range from free to your insurance co-pay with no upfront cost.

Then there're a few scriptures that helped me out, too.

When graduation came and I had no plans, hadn't applied to grad school or for any job, hadn't even taken the GRE, Jeremiah 29: 11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (NIV)." Now, I place emphasis on what really spoke to me at the time I needed it. The fact that God knew the plans he had for me meant that . . . I didn't have to know. What's said in the Black Church is usually, "I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow." Eh . . . that didn't quite do it for me at the time. I was freaking No1KState and I was supposed to have plans. I was supposed to be on my way to a PhD. Not knowing what "tomorrow held" just "won't getting it."

But one day, I was reading that verse expecting "plans to prosper" to soothe my anxiety. It didn't. But every time I read through, "I know the plans I have for you," my spirit calmed. And that finally did it for me. I knew I had to quit fighting God on the issue and just let him have his way (By the by, Hezekiah Walker has a song that says exactly that. I listened to it endlessly. Can't find it online, but I'll keep looking.). I had to, as David says in Psalms 131, stop worrying about things I had no control over, and just trust God like a child trusts her mother (I paraphrased.) And honestly, that kept me from . . . Let's just say it kept me. (There's a song with those lyrics, too, by the way.)

Then, as far as finally receiving God's love for me, well, the involves all of the book of Ephesians as well as some other New Testament passages, and most especially a book by Robert McGee titled, The Search for Significance. I strongly suggest you read the book yourself and get the workbook, too. I most confess, the college staff member of The Impact Movement who was assigned to UNC gave a group of us all the book with workbook for free my second year. I was so full of myself then, I really didn't pay it much attention. I "graciously" went through it with the rest of the group because really . . . I'm No1KState. I felt I was the very definition of "being significant."

Er . . . uh . . . yeah. That kind of pride will lead to a bit of a battle with God. Hence, perhaps, the whole episode prior to graduation of not having any plans.

It was till just a few years ago that I read the book seriously. To say it changed my life would not be an overstatement. It helped me open myself and my heart to love. It helped me reject the lies I had believed about myself. Oh, I'm still working on trusting God with my heart. But, I used to respond to the staff member, who is now I dear, dear friend, saying "I love you," with a disbelieving shake of my head. She would tell me how I was such a sweetheart, and I would respond that she really didn't know me. She would argue that she thought she did, and I'd just let her win. I didn't see the point in a needless argument with someone who didn't know me.

Now, I can say, "I love you," first. This morning even, I told my parents I loved them. That's a big deal for me! I mean, it's not that I didn't love people the way Christians are supposed to love everyone, I just didn't hold anyone in any special affection.

Except my little cousin who's my "little sister."

That's part of what I love so much about my church family Palmer Grove. You know what, this is my blog, I'll tell you exactly what happened. I heard a woman call out my name, I just smiled and waved in the direction of the voice. Then Minister Thurman grabbed my shoulder and asked if I knew who she was. I didn't. She explained who she was and how she knew me, and that's when I realized that there were people who held me in special affection . . . just for me! Granted, folks were always impressed and sometimes proud of my accomplishments. But, it wasn't till that moment that I realized she was showing affection to me, not because of my family connections or accomplishments, but because of me. I mean, lots of people were greeting me because I had just joined the church. But the look on her face when I confessed I didn't know who she was (because I previously didn't care - she doesn't know that), let me know she was interested in me. Me. Not No1KState. Not the lead soprano or trumpet player or the basketball player or the genius. Me.

And guess what? Me, myself and I am sweet. I am a sweetheart. A number of people, strangers, have told me I have a beautiful spirit. At a group of young adults meeting together to minister to each other, a woman just all of a sudden hugged me tight and kissed my head. Once, a visitor at church pulled me aside and said he just wanted to speak because I had such a beautiful spirit. Apparently, that means just in my presence, people feel loved. That's what the strange hugging lady explained to me.

That's the truth. That's my truth. If I've accepted you as a part of my "circle," I do love you; and, I love you strongly and unconditionally. That has always been the case. I have always been willing to fight on behalf of my family, even if that meant I'd get beat up. And excepting God's love for me has made loving others all the more easier.

I'll end with this verse: Zechariah 11: 4 "This is what the LORD my God says: "Pasture the flock marked for slaughter. 5 Their buyers slaughter them and go unpunished. Those who sell them say, 'Praise the LORD, I am rich!' Their own shepherds do not spare them. 6 For I will no longer have pity on the people of the land," declares the LORD. "I will hand everyone over to his neighbor and his king. They will oppress the land, and I will not rescue them from their hands." 7 So I pastured the flock marked for slaughter, particularly the oppressed of the flock."

Yeah, few people actually get to the part of the Bible. (I'll save my thoughts about Evangelicals and Fundamentalists for another post.) But, that's what inspires and prompts my quest to change the world, to fight racism, sexism, capitalism, and other oppressions. And now that I'm broadening my horizons to international issues, nationalism. At first, it was just American nationalism that bothered me, but now that I've learned about Turkey - I'm taking that on, too.

So, basically, I'm still celebrating turning 27. It's my own tradition to celebrate my birthday for at least a couple of weeks. Especially since my brother thought I was his early birthday present, I take the liberty of extending my own celebration past his. I'm not sure I'll be blogging about my personal growth again for a day or so, but. :sigh: My next posts will probably be about some political or international issue. It's just that, I'm so proud of myself for how far I've come. I'm thrilled that I'm finally receiving sufficient treatment for my CFIDS. I can hardly contain myself. I mean, of course, I have to. My health can't take a lot of hoopla, no matter the cause. But, I'm just excited about another day and another year.

Listen. Life is an adventure. I'm on this adventure with Elohim, another name for God, which, by the way, is Hebrew feminine plural, and a couple of other friends. I'm finally living life to the full and I love it! I wish you the same peace, contentment, and anticipation I have!

My Evolution

Today's my birthday. I'm 27 today.

Yeah. I know 27 isn't a special birthday. It's not like I'm getting my driver license or anything. And, I'm not going crazy like my closest friend did last year when she cried, "Now, I'm just 3 years from 30!"

Actually, I'm looking forward to my 30s.

But for now, I'm 27. Not that 26 wasn't good. It was. But, this birthday is special to me. Even now, I can feel eyes watering. It's because of how far I've come since . . . ever.

You know. Usually, when I give my personal testimony, I recall how I couldn't believe Jesus loved me so much that he became a baby just for me. And the fact that he came back to life with Papa Smurf's help did it for me. I was sold! It was gonna be me and Jesus for life.

I was 4 when I accepted Christ. And don't worry. If I didn't know what I was doing then, and I did, I certainly do now. Nothing's changed about that testimony. That God would put on flesh and limitations of humanity just to pay for my sins still sends shivers down my spine, and that he was cruxicified and arose without a defibilator still blows me mind. I'm still sold. It's still me and Jesus for life.

But, I've never told anyone the entire truth of why accepted Christ. It wasn't that I didn't know anyone who loved me more. I didn't think I knew anyone who loved me. Yeah. Odd for a four year-old, and my mother would hate to hear that, but that's how I felt.

I used to have a hard time accepting or believing anyone loved me. Unconditionally, I mean. Even through my teens. You don't know my family, and this would make more sense. My mom is a local politician and has a lot of influence in the black community. My grandparents' and uncle owned their own business. I was a star student and basketball player. So, when people smiled and hugged me or shook my hand, I always thought it had more to do with mom than me. Or because my grades or basketball play impressed them. Even when older women would comment to my mom how pretty I was, I didn't pay that much attention. I thought that was more a compliment for my mom than for me; everyone swore how much I looked like her. And boys, well . . . let's say I was aiming for an academic scholarship and I wasn't interested in high school sex. I mean really. Having sex with someone who walked around with his pants hanging off his hips and couldn't remember to bring paper and pencil to school? Yeah, um, no.

College wasn't much different. Of hundreds of classmates, I only managed to remember close to 60 or 70 or their names, and most of that was due to some nudging. So, I really didn't care much for other people. Only a few people really stuck.

Oh. And that was just school. I was star in religious circles, too. Not a bad singer. Pretty good speaker (when I wasn't full of myself at the time).

But now, and granted it's took sometime, I actually believe people love me for me. And I can actually love them back. Nothing's changed in the way my family demonstrates affections, but I even believe my mom loves me. That wasn't always the case.

So, now that melodrama's been explained, there's actually more.

I know who I am now. Growing up, there were some lies I believed about myself. One was that I had a mean streak. That was punctuated by the fact that I could successfully discipline a youth choir of 15 kids without much hometraining. But now, I know who I am. I like sports, but I'm not gay. I can be quite prissy actually. But, going through life believing the worst about yourself just isn't a way to live. . . . Unless it's true, then, it's time for some self-examination I'd say.

And I know what I want from life. I know who I want in life. I don't wake up every morning hoping to die because the pain and exhaustion of chronic fatigue and immune dysfunction is so disorienting.

The best part is that I'm not afraid of the future any more. I'm not absolutely sure what the future holds for me, but I'm not afraid to meet it.

And here is where I digress a bit for the purpose of making a point. Contrary to what evangelicals and fundamentalists believe, not all lives are worth living. Terry Shiavo's husband was doing the right thing. Her parents didn't care about her. They just wanted to have their need for her presense met. Waking up hurting places you didn't realize you had isn't a way to live. So, let your loved ones go. Don't make them suffer for your own selfish reasons.

Back to me. I have been suicidal. It started during adolesenses. Part of the reason I spent over half my life thinking my mother didn't love me isn't just that she didn't say it; it's because she was always fussing at me about something. And there seemed to be nothing I could do that she wouldn't critique. And parents, that's not a way for your kids to live, either. What I didn't know was how she bragged about me to other people, including my brother. He and I both thought the other was the favorite child - parents, don't do that to your kids. Everything doesn't have to be perfect. Don't get me wrong. My mom didn't miss a basketball game. Even if all she talked about on the way home was how I didn't hold my follow through long enough.

But I've put all that behind me. I'm responsible for what I feel and think about myself. And, I'm taking God's word for it that I'm the apple of God's eye.

So, basically. Since life has no more meaning that what you're able to put into it, and I know that, I'm not afraid of the future. I know I have plenty to put into life. And know I have definite plans. In college, it killed me that I didn't have a clue as to what I'd be doing after graduation. Plus, I was sick and didn't know. Think it's bad having a doctor tell you there's nothing left for them to do and you only have a few months to live. Try just turning 22 and have a doctor look you in the eyes and say, "I know something's wrong. I just don't know what." My world crashed. I could hear and see my life shattering like broken glass. Like I had been in a head on without a seat belt, but not dead. I wish I could say no pain . . . but well, unbeknownst to me and the doctor, I had CFIDS.

Now, treatments are getting better. I finally have enough pain medicine, none of which is narcotic - but if you got an extra vicodine or something from oral surgery . . . Ha ha ha! I'm just kidding.

Not really. So, I was afraid of a future that virtually had little to nothing to offer. But now, I'm 27. I'm not as afraid to share my heart as I was just a few months ago. I don't know exactly what I'll be doing the next few years, but you can believe the world will change as far I can reach it.

I've come a long way in what's really a short time. I'm 27. And I'm making my life happen.

This One's Painful: Guess Someone Couldn't Share the Spotlight

My heart goes out to Jennifer Hudson and her family. I hope the nephew will be found safe and alive. Cause this is just ridiculous! On a number of levels.

First of all, black community, we can't on one had complain that not enough of the ones who make it come back and then also terrorize them and murder them when they do. Now, I know the same thing probably goes on in the white community, except, they're celebrated for moving to Hollywood and staying. But, come on people. Please.

Second of all, black folks who make it out . . . stay out! This is what happens when you come back home. Those negros who were already jealous to begin with are really gonna let you have it. Luckily, I can come back home. I didn't grow up in a "rough area," and I have to hand it to my local black community - we handle our business (That's a shout out to Ms. Bradshaw and all the black bus drivers who were illegally fired while a white . . . I just blog about that later. Oh, and Mrs. Degree and Mrs. Accor and Mr. Hooker. Pastors Smith, Thompson, Littlejohn. And, of course, my big brother and little sister-in-law. And, and I better mention my momma cause I there's this car I want. And even the people who used to tease me in school now recognize the importance of spiritual and political engagement.).

But, I guess Hudson's tragedy is especially saddening because, I don't know, I identified with Effie White. I identify with a down home black sister who's just trying to make good. And I can't imagine a world without my momma and my brother. And just recently, some good friends have had their grandmother and greataunt pass. My little cousin's mother's funeral was just this past week. And, I guess, I'm still in a mournful mood.

I told one friend of mine that it was okay that even maybe two weeks after her grandmother's passing, that she still missed her and her heart still ached. It's part of the human experience. It took a while for me to adjust to my grandmother's passing. Now, I see her in my dreams . . . and she usually has a date. I don't get that. But, anyway.

I wouldn't know what to tell Jennifer. This is one of those times when, "Hold on to God's unchanging hand," won't do. My grandmother and my friend's grandmother died because they were sick. They didn't die because someone murdered them. Now, I do know that God's grace is sufficient - sufficient enough for her to be really pissed off at him if that helps her grieve. I also know that God can piece back together a broken heart. And if you need to be angry with God or scream or cry or yell, it's okay.

I'm not going to say, "It's going to be all right." The first person really close to me who died was my grandfather. I was thirteen. And I distinctly remember fighting the urge to punch someone in the face for telling me, "It's going to be all right." Excuse my language, but who the hell cares about what's going to be. If you wanna make it all right right now, how about you bring my grandpa back? How about that? If you can't do that, then you need to shut your dang pie-hole. "It's going to be all right." All right, hell. Oh yeah, the next person who told me that was gonna catch an unholy "rhetorical flourish."

But I will say, the sun will rise and it will set, and another day will pass, and another, and another, and in one of those days, somebody better get that nephew back to the family. Don't play no "ransom" shit. You've done enough. We get your point. You can't come from "da hood," do well, and expect to stay like nothing ever changed. No matter how homeopathic it is for you or how much you wanna help your people. Yeah. You're the ones who make the rest of us look bad because ignorant crackas judge all of us by your nigger-acting black ass. So, yeah, thanks.

Oh, wipe the drool of your face. I said I'm a Christian. I never claimed to be a saint.

But back to my condolenses to the Hudson family, you'll always miss your mom and brother. You'll always love them. Right now you still can't believe it, and that's okay. The pain is overwhelming and that's okay, too. Whatever you feel, it's okay. God's grace is sufficient, and it's okay.

You're listening to some songs I chose to go out to the family. Now, at black funerals in my area, we have a good time, so I added some hallelujah gospel songs as well Hudson's songs.

Oh, and by the way, Palin's lied about some dirt she's done about the whole Alaskan pipeline.

And UNC beat Boston College. The Hudsons aside, that does make me feel better.

I Got Some Good News & Some Bad News & Some Personal Thoughts

First, the good news, mostly because I can make sense of it, the Michigan Department of Civil Rights, which has been inundated with complaints and questions, will roll out a massive advertising campaign starting today and running until Election Day to inform voters of their rights and to try to dispel misinformation.

Here's the bad news, or at least questionable news about McCain. But, apparently McCain's transition chief lobbied for or had something to do with helping lobby for Saddam.

And here's a word for my white brothers and sisters in Christ. Previously, I was studying Proverbs. I'm presently studying Romans. Now, in my online explorations and chats, I've come across atheists and agnostics who care about the poor and choose peace over unnecessary war. I've come across Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists who feel that everyone and everything is an image of God.

Yesterday, or rather, last night, or . . . my last post, I displayed the youtube video of the preacher praying for a sort of "God-off" between our Christian God, Islam's God (because Arab Christians also pray to Allah), Buddha, and I suppose Krishna?

Now, the point I wish to make comes from Romans 2:17-24, and here it is: claiming to serve the "best" God or "the only true" God means nothing if you don't obey and follow the mandates of that God. Now, being Christian, while I believe that all religions have something true to offer, I also believe that Christ is the truth, the way, and the light. I'm not backing of that. I'm not obfuscating what I believe.

But also, I aim to be a force for justice and righteousness. In my personal life, I love God with all my heart, all my mind, all my soul, and all my strength. At the time, I don't have a lot of physical strength, but I love God with all that I have. Also, I receive God's completely forgiveness and unconditional love with relief and gratitude. And here's the part that I find most miraculous. The more I open my heart to God's love and grace and mercy, the easier it becomes to love others the way I love myself. Cause essentially, I accept what God says about me as truth. In Ephesians, he says I'm his masterpiece! I'm not going to argue with God about that!

The more I give up trying to earn God's love, the easier it becomes to overlook other people's faults and try to meet their needs. For example, the so called "Islamofascists." They don't hate America. What they hate is their poverty. What they hate is not being able to provide from the families. And, well, whose domination of the world has led to the circumstances in which they live? . . . If you guess themselves, you're wrong. The correct answer is US, and I mean that as a double entendre.

So, I urge all my American brothers and sisters in Christ to emulate Christ, to imitate God their father as dear little children. Otherwise, and the Bible says so, you will be judged for causing unbelievers to blaspheme the name of our God. Oh, and please, you should probably stop taking his name in vain, as well. Just using God's name to do something ugly and hateful makes it no less, but in fact all the more, ugly and hateful. And if you're curious as to what I mean be ugly and hateful. Check back later. I've been meaning to write a post on abortion. Maybe now would be a good time to tackle such a topic. Because not even Biblically does life begin at conception.

"Let The Glory of the Lord Rise Among Us" Cause It's Sunday Y'all!

I could hear the song as soon as I was out of the car (thanks Ms. Gerald, for the ride). Sherika Eskridge was leading the praise team in "Let it Rise," by William Murphy. After hugging the two greeters in the lobby, I entered the sanctuary this morning for the first time for a Sunday service in months. And let me tell ya y'all, the girl can sang. I ain't mad at her at all. And I like the song. It has a good melody and a good beat.

But what I like most is that the song indicates you have to make a decision. God wants to rise in us, but we have to decide to let him. And that's the case with so many things in our lives. God wants to fix it for us, we just gotta decide to let him. So, here's what I hear first coming into the church.

Plus, Sherika and the praise team just sound plain ol' good singing the song. Our church musicians ain't no people you wanna sleep on either. Especially my little cousin on the drums.





Then Donnie Thurman, Jr sang "You Are Good," by Israel and New Breed.




After those two songs, my body wasn't exactly feeling up to speed, my spirit felt like pure gold.

Now, Pastor Smith preached about the fact that "Jesus is the God of my Storm." Which is to say, whenever you're going through something, God is still in control. The passage he came from was Matthew 14:22-27. Whenever you going through a problem or a bad situation, you need to "Look for Jesus." And if you think you see him but you're not sure, then"Listen to/for Jesus." Once you've identified Him, "Lean on Jesus." And finally, when it's all said and done, "Learn from Jesus."

Now of course, if you read the scripture and/or had heard the sermon, it makes perfect sense. But, I'll give my own testimony. Why? Because this is my blog and I can.

My favorite part of the scripture is that Paul walked out on water with Jesus. Which to me means, even in the midst of the storm, with God, we can still do the impossible. If you've read this blog regularly and know me personally, you know I've had chronic fatigue and immune dysfunction syndrome for the past 5 years. But even through the condition, I can still do something impossible. That brings joy and strength to my soul.

And that's what I've decided to do. I've decide to let God rise in me, to do something impossible. And I guess unless you know the Lord yourself, you may not understand, but the joy and comfort and relief of knowing God is with me through all things; and, that his power and anointing don't just up and leave because I'm in a tough situation causes my Spirit to overcome my broken body. In fact, the weaker I become, the stronger the Lord gets. Hallelujah! And Hallelujah! And Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! And let his glory rise among us!

In fact, the weaker I become, the stronger I get (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). And I'm determined to rescue the sheep that have been marked for slaughter (Zechariah 11:4). I'm tempted to talk junk to the enemy, because the truth of the matter is, no there's nothing that can happen that can stop me (Isaiah 54:17).

I'm going to change the world. I'm going to liberate those who have been oppressed. And I'm not just talking about my usual diatribes against racism. I'm not just talking about sexism. But something's gotta be done about capitalism and poverty and war. And I'm bound and determined to do it. I just can't see myself doing anything else. That's what I feel, and I just can't help it.

As the Lord says, "Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it" (Habakkuk 2:2). In the middle of my storm, I'm going to walk on water to. Just watch and see.

PGBC

I'm about to go into how much I love my church family. (This was initially written Wednesday morning, right after Bible study, but some trouble editing . . . )

But a quick thing about McCain/Palin: Aside from the fact that their names are John McCain and Sarah Palin, most of everything else I've heard them say is either misleading or outright lying.

Now. My church. I love it! I love my church family. I love the Spirit. I love the teaching. Don't get me wrong, it ain't perfect. "But if you're looking for a Christ-like Church, PGBS is were you can end your search!" In fact, right now I'm trying to find a way to get the young adult women going strong again as a collective group. But that's because of how much I love my church family and sisters.

I love my pastor and his family. Especially his wife. My pastor's wife is a dynamic woman. A spiritual force in her own right. I love her teaching, her encouragement. And once, before everyone became aware of the severity of my illness, I appreciated her admonishment to stop missing so much church. Her caring boldness is something I hope to emulate.

I love the assistant/children's pastor and his his family. Especially his wife. She has a humor that's kinda like mine. Very cutting. And she's apt to laugh at anything. I remember one of my visits to the emergency room at the hospital where she works. When she heard I was there, she came down and kept me company for a while. That's something I won't forget. Though, she keeps asking for stickies every though no one's given me any fried apples or the treats she makes every Christmas. (hint, hint)

I love the church secretary. I have a number of spiritual advisers but only one person who badger me about using my CPAP. She's both an adviser and a badgerer, and I love her for it.

Then, there's the other ladies of the church. Consider yourselves all included because I dare not go into names. They treat me as either a daughter, a sister, or a grandchild. I most especially love being spoiled as a grandchild. My grandmother died when I was 14, so now, anything approximating the affection and grace she had for me delights my heart.

And one lady especially encouraged my heart today. You'd have to be a strong Christian yourself to understand the exchange, so I can't go into much detail. But she believes as much as I do that I will change the world. She believes as I do, that "with Jesus on my side, things will work out fine."

And I have great respect for the men of the church. The deacons take their jobs seriously. The trustees and janitors and multimedia handlers all take the job seriously. And to them, I'm either a sister, a daughter, or a granddaughter. When it came time for a church remodel, most of it was done by the men themselves. Now, don't get it twisted. My church ain't some patriarchal haven of misogyny. I just appreciate when men do what the Bible says men 'posed ta do.

And let me not leave out the children. They treat me as a not-to-old adult. I can scold them, encourage them, and when necessary, get a piece of candy.

But, I guess what I love most about my church family is just the family for its own sake. "I was glad when they said unto me let us go into the house of the Lord." "Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together." And that's what I love so much about my church family. When any of us are together, like this morning's Bible study where maybe only 20 or 30 people show up; or just one or two church ladies, there's a spirit there of acceptance. Of love. Or togetherness. And I delight in it so.

By the way, today's Bible study lesson was basically about the prophesies and events surrounding Christ's entering Jerusalem on a donkey's colt - which, for all of you who accuse Jesus of encouraging stealing - had been prophesied long before Jesus was born. It was about Jesus's humility in coming in on a colt rather than a stallion. We covered a number of issues. "You just oughta been there."

But what I like best is even during the Wednesday evening Bible studies, as well as the morning studies, and Sunday schools, it's more of a discussion than a lecture. I learn not just from my pastor or assistant pastor; I learn from the lady sitting closer to the front, the gentleman sitting a few pews in front of me. I even, at times, get to share a little myself.

And I love it.

But you have to understand, I didn't grow up at Palmer Grove. I grew up at Ramseur Baptist, a church named after a school that was named after my great grandfather. I have lots of memories of Ramseur, both good and bad. I grew up with me and my cousins singing in the front row of the choir with my brother play the drums set up in front us. (And my aunts thumping us on the back when we cut out of line. I can still feel the dull pain.)

But, that's why I love Palmer Grove so much. I don't feel like I left family, I feel like I gained even more family. It helped that I had known most of the congregation since I was young, but leaving a church and joining another is not an easy thing to do (hint, hint Obama-haters). Palmer Grove gave me so much love from before I even officially joined the church, they made the transition easy.

That's all I got to say. But let me give a few shout outs to the church's secretary, my Sunday school teacher, and the lady who encouraged me so today. And Sis. Liz and Min Thurman, I love you all.